Ask Ajna In Hinduism, ajna refers to the sixth chakra, or "third eye," located in the middle of the head, behind and between the eyes. The Aquarian’s Ajna draws upon her own third eye insight – with a healthy dose of common sense, life experience, and research – to answer readers’ questions.

Dear Ajna: I am concerned about a friend of mine. She has been living in her parents’ dark dungeon-like basement for a couple years now and says she wants out when the timing (the finances) are right! How can I bring some "light" to her life? Dimwitted

Dear Dimwitted: I agree that it’s painful to watch a friend imprison herself in her parents’ basement. However, there’s a reason she’s there and she needs to deal with it before she can "escape." There are many ways to hold ourselves back from expanding to our full potential: alcoholism, food addiction, co-dependence, overspending, workaholism . . . the list goes on. The trick is to look underneath the presenting symptom to see what it is we’re hiding from. In the meantime, just enjoy her as best you can and listen when she talks about her feelings. This may help her to gain the confidence she needs to come out of hiding.

Dear Ajna: At work I am surrounded by people who live in the "earthly" realm of kids, schedules, complaints, and bills. They think I am quite crazy regarding my spiritual lifestyle and beliefs – which are much more carefree, positive, and accepting. How can I bridge the gap and become a respected part of the team without compromising my soul? Positively Peeved

Dear Peeved: Just practise your spiritual beliefs with the people at work. Pray for their happiness and prosperity in your quiet time. Accept their need to feel frustrated with schedules and bill payments. Relax and enjoy the positive benefits of your spiritual practices without trying to make others follow your path. Who knows, at some point they may ask your secret and then you can tell them.

Dear Ajna: What do people mean when they talk about soul mates? Does everyone have a soul mate? More than one? How do we know when we meet one? Looking in Vain

Dear Looking in Vain: Someone is a soul mate when the two of you feel like you’re on the same wavelength, you resonate with each other’s feelings and beliefs, you feel energized when you’re together, and you feel like you’ve known each other for eons. 

In the West, we tend to think of soul mates in terms of a passionate eternity – a tremendously charged relationship of epic proportions that lasts forever, akin to the gods mating on Mount Olympus. But soul mates don’t have to mate to complete their relationship.

You can accept intense feelings for someone, but not necessarily expect a sexual involvement. Ask how you and your soul mate can serve the world together, rather than thinking exclusively in romantic terms. Also, be on the lookout for soul mates very much older, younger, or otherwise unlikely as a romantic partner. If the person is a possible partner, at least wait awhile and get to know your beloved before giving in to the passion. That way you will find out if there is more to the relationship than just sexual chemistry.

Dear Ajna: I am a man in my early thirties, married for nine years with two children. In the last year I started going to a Buddhist centre. My marriage is pretty good, except my wife is always pressuring me to talk about my feelings more. At the Buddhist classes, I’m learning to let go of my thinking mind and open to pure awareness. I’m starting to realize I’m under strain from these two opposite pressures. What do you think? Confused

Dear Confused: On the surface, these appear to be contradictory messages: open up and talk versus keep quiet and just be. This may add to your confusion, but my advice is to listen to both sides – they’re equally valid. 

We consist of two "selves": the emotional and intellectual self that identifies with our body and the world around us; and the spiritual self that knows there’s more than physical reality. To develop the emotional side, we need to listen to our feelings and to those of the people around us. We’ve been given a life on this earth, so let’s use it and live fully. To develop the spiritual side, we need to meditate, spend quiet time alone, and listen for the still, small voice within. It’s a question of balance. Allow time for the development of both sides.

Dear Ajna: At my sister’s wedding, she plans to release butterflies during the outdoor ceremony. I’ve never heard of slightly frozen bugs being warmed up and released. Apparently gardeners can get ladybugs too. Do you feel this is cruelty to nature or good for the environment? Confused Monarch

Dear Confused Monarch: I had not heard of releasing live butterflies at weddings until I read your letter. My first reaction was "Don’t mess with nature." People often are sorry when they interfere with the normal workings of the natural world. Then I looked the subject up on the Internet and found the lowdown on butterfly releases.

An article on the North American Butterfly Association’s website (www.naba.org/weddings.html) says a definite no to butterfly releases. 

If the butterflies are imported, they may die soon after release because they’re in a new climate and can’t adjust fast enough. If they do live, they may compete for food with the local butterflies and cause them to starve. If the released butterflies have parasites or diseases they can pass them on to the local butterflies. Monarchs usually migrate, but those from California do not. If the latter are sent to colder climes, they will die in the winter. Even if the Monarchs come from a migrating breed, the enforced dormancy period can disorient their migratory know-how, and they may stay too long and perish.

This practice can be bad for people too if the butterflies die in transit or the weather is too cold for them to come out of their dormant state. The wedding party may have spent hundreds in the hope of radiant flutterbies to celebrate the union. 

People who discourage the butterfly release fad recommend throwing flower petals instead, using leftovers from a florist. Flowers are a safer, cheaper, and definitely more reliable wedding blessing.