WIThumour 
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WIThumour
| My
Dearest Mr. Tambo
A benevolent stranger has just emailed me the key to everlasting financial freedom. How CAN I thank him enough!!! Mr. Tambo (are you by any chance related to a Mr. Opara, a Mr. Savimbi, or a Chief Bola Harry?), I am moved, excited, exhilirated by your confidence in me and my (as you so flatteringly put it) "enviable credentials/particulars." All the moreso in light of the fact that you do not appear to specifically know my name, though I can't but be impressed that you have gone to such trouble to obtain my email address - a sure sign of diligence, and I admire that in a business partner.Hu's on First? The recent appointment of a man named Hu to first base in the Chinese Communist Party could spell confusion around the White House. Condi: Hu is the new leader of China.Children, Eat Your Antibiotics! Big Macs are a good source of meat, cheese, pickles, and "a heapin' helpin handful"'of antibiotics for growing children. The upstarts at the Onion strike again. "When your daughter gets strep throat, head straight over to McDonald's and prescribe her a delicious Quarter Pounder or nine-piece Chicken McNuggets," Thompson said. "She'll not only receive the amoxycillin she needs to get better, but also a whole array of growth hormones proven to speed a child's physical development." Christmas
Bliss – or Your Money Back
The decorations are what truly say it's Christmas – the banners, the tinsel, the string of Christmas tree lights long enough to wrap around the equator, twice. The latter will guarantee you hours of amusement at the most unpredictable times as you try to figure out exactly which one of the two hundred and fifty-seven hundred bulbs just blew. The
Soul of a Soft Machine
The
World's Funniest Jokes
My First Yoga Class How a stiff, flabby Scotsman triumphed over shame, pain, and gravity. Are
You Happy with Your Higher Power?
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memorable predictions -- NOT Everything that can be invented has been invented. -
Charles
Duell, head of the U.S. Patent Office, 1899
The radio
craze . . . will die out in time.
-Thomas
Edison, 1922
50 years
hence. . .[we] shall escape the absurdity of growing a whole chicken in
order to eat the breast or wing, by growing these parts separately under
a suitable medium.
-Winston
Churchill, 1932
The cloning
of mammals is biologically impossible.
-James
McGrath and Davor
Solter,
Science,
Dec 14, 1984
I think
there is a world market for about five computers.
-Thomas
Watson, chairman of IBM, 1943
640K ought
to be enough for anybody.
-Bill
Gates, 1981
- from The
Experts Speak, by Christopher Serf and Victor Navasky (Villard).
Available at Amazon.com
and Chapters.ca.
What We Learn Through the Ages Age 7: I've learned that you can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk. Age 14: I've learned that if you want to cheer yourself up, you should try cheering someone else up. Age 26: I've learned that brushing my child's hair is one of life's great pleasures. Age
29: I've learned that wherever I go, the
world's worst drivers have followed
Age 39: I've learned that if someone says something unkind about me, I must live so that no one will believe it. Age 41: I've learned that there are people who love you dearly but just don't know how to show it. Age 46: I've learned that the greater a person's sense of guilt, the greater his need to cast blame on others. Age 49: I've learned that singing "Amazing Grace" can lift my spirits for hours. Age
53: I've learned that regardless of your
relationship with your parents, you
Age 58: I've learned that making a living is not the same thing as making a life. Age
64: I've learned that you shouldn't go
through life with a catcher's mitt on
Age 65: I've learned that if you pursue happiness, it will elude you. But if you focus on your family, the needs of others, your work, meeting new people, and doing the very best you can, happiness will find you. Age
66: I've learned that whenever I decide
something with kindness, I usually
Age 92: I've learned that I still have a lot to learn. —Source
unknown
History 101-X The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespeare. Shakespeare was born in the year 1564, supposedly on his birthday. He never made much money and is famous only because of his plays. He wrote tragedies, comedies and hysterectomies, all in Islamic pentameter. Bach was the most famous composer in the world, and so was Handel. Handel was half German, half Italian, and half English. He was very large. Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf he wrote loud music. He took long walks in the forest even when everyone was calling for him. Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died for this. The nineteenth century was a time of a great many thoughts and inventions. People stopped reproducing by hand and started reproducing by machine....Louis Pasteur discovered a cure for rabbis....And Karl Marx became one of the Marx brothers. - from
"A History of the World as Told with Genuine Student Bloopers," in Anguished
English, by Richard Lederer. Available
at Amazon.com
and
Chapters.ca.
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Swami Beyondananda's guidelines for enLIGHTENment "Drive
Your Karma,
Read
them in the "FUNdamentalist
Manifesto"
-Albert
Einstein
-
Ben
Price (from the website of the Institute
for Frontier Science)
The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax. -
Albert Einstein
When in doubt, don't be too sure of yourself. -
Yisrael Ben-Pinchas
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Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity.
