WELLness
from The Aquarian, Fall 1999
Healing Words
For Every Human Ache and Pain,
Somewhere There's a Soothing Saying

By Jennifer Cawthorne

May the
longtime sun
shine upon you,
all love surround you,
and the sweet light within you
guide your way on.
         - Traditional blessing
When I was a little girl, my parents would always read to me before I went to bed. We would conclude with a prayer, and often it would be "Vespers," by A. A. Milne:
Little boy kneels at the foot of the bed,
Droops on the little hands, little gold head.
Hush, hush, whisper who dares!
Christopher Robin is saying his prayers.
I didn't realize how important this nightly routine was until I was about eight years old, alone in the hospital, waiting to have my tonsils out. Away from home for the first time, and with a raging sore throat to boot, I couldn't eat or sleep. The doctors and nurses were getting more worried by the minute, until a simple cure was found. As long as my mother phoned at bedtime and recited "Vespers" with me, I would fall happily asleep.
        We all have times of trouble in our lives when hearing just the right words can remind us that peace, calm, and tranquility still do exist, and they can be ours again to enjoy. Alas, the significant people in our lives aren't always around to help us. Or perhaps they are, but they just don't "get it," when it comes to our needs and feelings. In such difficult times, comfort can come from unexpected places -- from the words of people we don't even know and will likely never meet. People who perhaps we've always admired, though they may have died 2000 years ago. In such times, it can be enough just to know that these distant souls were also touched by what is happening to us now, that the variety of human experience is universal. And in our grief, our fear, or even our joy, we are not alone.
He jumped onto his horse and galloped off madly in all directions.
- Source unknown
Whatsoever things are true,
Whatsoever things are honest,
Whatsoever things are pure,
Whatsoever things are lovely,
Think on these things.
               - Philippians 4:8
I've collected humorous, eloquent, and provocative sayings like these all my life. Doesn't the first one make you think of yourself too -- just a little bit?
        Words of wisdom can make us laugh and weather the stress in our lives. They can make us cry and release the pain of our traumas. Or they can simply put us back in touch with the beauty in the world, refreshing and reenergizing us. I've always taken great pleasure in how some people can perfectly express an inspiring or empowering idea.
A successfully communicated thought,
from one human mind to another,
is one of the most powerful forces I know.
                     - Peter McWilliams, Life 101
I still remember the words of my high school guidance counsellor:
        "You are the one who will have to live with your decisions," she said, "so make your own decisions for yourself, decisions you can live with."
        Wow! What a thought. The idea of being my own person. It seemed like such a radical concept at the time.
        A few years later, our minister was giving his usual Sunday sermon, which I always tried so hard to listen to. Suddenly he had my complete attention:
        "What does it mean to love your enemy? A lot of people have a problem with this because they think to love someone is to like them. Not so. To 'love your neighbour as yourself' simply means to treat your neighbour with the dignity, respect and fairness you would want to be treated with yourself. You don't have to 'like' him or her." That lesson has stayed with me for life.
        In university, the most beautiful prose came from literature, but the most meaningful words came from sociology, in particular the study of interpersonal relations. Erving Goffman's brilliant book, The Presentation of Self in Everyday Life (Amazon.com | Chapters.ca), led me to a greater understanding of the mechanics of human interactions, and of myself as a person. I remember listening to my professors and thinking, "yes, that is how society works!" or "yes, I've experienced that!"
        As soon as I left university, Shakespeare took over. I had suffered through his plays in high school and college along with everybody else, wondering why on earth we studied something we couldn't even understand. Boring! It wasn't until my twenties that I began to understand his wisdom and greatness. Often, in those moments when life suddenly got all too real, I would think:
The quality of mercy is not strain'd,
It droppeth as the gentle rain from heaven upon the earth beneath.
- Portia, Merchant of Venice
In my thirties and forties I revisited the Bible and discovered the beauty and wisdom there. And I became a fan of the amusing reflections on life found in such comic gems as Herman, Marmaduke, and Mother Goose & Grimm.
INTERVIEWER:I have the results of your job application, Thomson. Your handwriting shows you're a complete moron. The polygraph test suggests you are a born liar. And you have the I.Q. of a carrot.
THOMSON:You haven't mentioned salary.
"The Interview," from Herman, by Jim Unger, 1980
Obviously, for me collecting and savouring the great sayings of the ages has been a healthy, empowering hobby. But who would have thought it could be a lifesaver too?
        Since childhood, I've suffered from the chronic, low-grade depression known as dysthymia and from recurrent episodes of major depression. In July of 1997, I was several years into an untreated episode, complicated by physical ill health, when the depression peaked full force. I disappeared entirely. I no longer existed as myself. Everything that had made up my life to that point, everything of importance to me -- people, personal philosophies, my ability to think logically -- just . . . went away! I could still "see" these things, but I could no longer "reach out and touch" them.
        I became irrational, obsessive, compulsive, agoraphobic, xenophobic, panic-stricken, and completely nonfunctional. It was indisputably the worst experience of my life, a united emotional attack by every bad experience I had ever had. I knew then, for the first time in my life, what the words "mental illness" meant. It was like nothing I had ever experienced. Completely terrifying.
        Amidst the chaos of my uncontrollable thoughts, into the panic of not knowing what was going on and how I should "fix" myself, a tiny voice made itself heard:
To thine own self be true.
One of the cornerstones of my personal philosophy, these were the first constructive words to enter my mind during those first frightening weeks. As soon as I remembered the bard's immortal advice, I realized, "yes, I will have to 'do' for myself, make decisions for myself, go on instinct alone, as I never have before." I knew if I made the wrong decision, the consequences would be severe, perhaps irreversible. But I had to try. I had no choice.
        I was scared. Paralytically so. What if, unable to reason lucidly, I made the wrong choices? The blessed little voice returned with:
        "If you make the right decision, fine. If you make the wrong decision, accept it and go on from there."
        Shakespeare and my inner voice had given me the strength to stretch my decision-making wings. Slowly and carefully, with lots of supportive people standing by to help me pick up the pieces if I fell apart, I began to make some hard, anxiety-laden choices.
        As soon as I could concentrate enough to read again, I started searching the Internet, looking for information on depression, obsessive-compulsive behaviour, panic attacks and anxiety disorders, seasonal affective disorder, medical treatments -- anything that might help. I found lots of practical help and emotional support. I discovered Peter McWilliams' excellent books on depression, personal loss, and life in general [available at Amazon.com, Chapters.ca, and free online]. And I unearthed sayings galore that showed me that others too had experienced what I was going through. I felt comforted - not alone, not so frightened. I began slowly to improve, to think clearly again, to feel joy.

        And, ironically, I became suicidal.

The faint possibility of suicide had always been part of my depression. But, as sometimes happens when people rapidly begin to recover, now it escalated quickly from passive thoughts to uncontrollable impulses. It all happened very fast, like being hit by a runaway freight-train. I didn't stand a chance. My will to live (I do love life and don't want to leave before my time) was overwhelmed by another irrestible power with a will of its own.
        My support group became "a trifle" more active. I had to make some much more challenging decisions about my life's direction and how I would manage my depression. Yet I continued to search for and find comfort in other people's expressions of similar crises. Their precious words helped me return to myself, confront my pain and fear, and regain the things in my life that were most important to me.
        This hunt for healing words was my first functional activity as I pulled out of my depression. It became a positive focus, not to mention a salve for my distress.
        My journey back has been slow and very painful at times. A teacher by profession, I have been off work since September of 1997. Returning to work is not yet in sight. After a very good spell from November, 1998, to January of this year, when I was just beginning to think things had really settled down and I was finally on the road, ill health, imperfect medications, and life conspired again to administer me a donkey kick, landing me in the emergency department, suicidally out of control. I stayed in the local Healthcare Hilton for five days, where the nurses compassionately helped me regain some measure of strength and fortitude. I came home in February and have continued, bit by bit, to move forward with my recovery and my life. The suicidal impulse is still present, but it's a shadow of its former strength, manageable once more.

"The road is long, with many a winding curve..."
Talking about my problems to significant others has helped provide me stability and insight on my journey toward a new life. But still it's the healing words of the rest and best of humanity that are my greatest solace and inspiration. I have now collected over 250 of them: some funny, some beautiful, some painful - all with meaning for me, as I strive, under the watchful eyes of my doctors, my friends and family, my husband David, and Rambo (my ever-protective dog), to beat this life-and-soul-consuming illness.


Words to Heal By
Sayings That Keep Me Sane

These are a few of the many quotes from my collection that have had
special meaning for me in my battle with depression.

To thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man.
- Shakespeare, Hamlet
Polonius's advice to Laertes continues to be my most fundamental guidance, the saying I rely on in every foray into uncharted territory.
Hold on to what is good
even if it is a handful of earth.
Hold on to what you believe
even if it is a tree that stands by itself.
Hold on to what you must do
even if it is a long way from here.
Hold on to life
even when it is easier letting go.
Hold on to my hand
even when I have gone away from you.
- Pueblo verse
I found these truly inspiring words two years ago at the start of my "adventure," and they have stayed with me throughout. Their power to centre and calm me and give me hope is as strong now as ever. Together with Shakespeare's guidance, they will always be the cornerstones of my personal philosophy.
Life has meaning only in the struggles.
Triumph or defeat is in the hands of the Gods.
So let us celebrate the struggles.
- Swahili warrior song
These words give me so much encouragement and strength. Sometimes (always?), we have to fight a battle without knowing what the outcome will be -- my situation exactly in this unpredictable journey.
Give me a sense of humour,
Give me the grace to see a joke,
To get some pleasure out of life,
And pass it on to other folk.
- Anonymous
As I began to get better, my sense of humour returned. It became one of my goals to see the light side of life whenever I could in order to keep myself balanced. And to pass it on at every opportunity.
O God
help me
to believe
the truth about myself
no matter
how
beautiful it is!
- Macrina Wiederkehr
The wry irony of this prayer expresses exactly what is at the root of so much misery and unhappiness. Sadly, this building block of self-esteem is not often on the curriculum in childhood. No wonder it can be so hard for us to swallow the "beautiful truth" in adulthood.
Men [and women] go abroad to wonder at the height of mountains, at the huge waves of the sea, at the long courses of rivers, at the vast compass of the ocean, at the circular motion of the stars -- and they pass by themselves without wondering.
- St. Augustine
Exactly the mistake I made. The thought that others have too, that my errors are not unique, has been indescribably consoling.
Tonight we reflect on paradox.
Water wears away rock,
Spirit overcomes force,
The weak will undo the mighty.
May we learn to see things backwards,
inside out, and upside down.
- adapted from the Tao Te Ching
This is one of the few wisdoms that has actually shown me how to beat my depression. For me, recovery has involved not just medication, but digging deep, deep, deep through layers of myself that I thought were me, but turned out to be superficial beliefs and characteristics accepted from without. To find the real me, and what will make me a happy and productive individual again, has meant looking at all my ideas and habits "backward, inside out and upside down." To know ourselves we have to learn to peel away the onion and find the seed within. Paradox is now my friend.
May your life be like a
wildflower
growing freely in the
beauty
and joy
of each day.
- Native American proverb
When I finally re-experienced joy and pleasure after years
without, discovering this blessing was itself a blessing.
 
Other People's Healing Words
Trish Denhoed, a Toronto administrative director, tells how she discovered a contagiously load-lightening message:
When I was laid off in 1990, I was so worried about what to do
with my life and career. My ex-boss told me: "only worry about what you'll do for the next two years." I can't say how much that advice helped me. Suddenly a weight was lifted off my shoulders, and I felt I could cope. I have since passed this advice on to many of my staff and friends. It always helps.
Debbie Shepstone, a businesswoman in Burlington, Ontario, is guided by the archly complementary messages of these two "Bajan" (Barbadian) precepts:
Whenever possible, eliminate from your life people who are a
vexation to your spirit.

Accept and enjoy people as they are, and they will likely do the
same for you. If not, revert to motto number 1.

Aquarian editor and author Syd Baumel describes his chance discovery of a reassuring affirmation:
A couple years ago, I was walking down Corydon one evening when I passed by a Salvation Army canvasser. I dropped some change into
his box, and, to my surprise, he earnestly handed me a little card in
return. The card read:
You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in
charge of many things.
- Matthew 25:23
I know it said that -- exactly -- because it never left my back pocket until it disintegrated about a year later. Periodically, I would pull it out to reread it, along with its second affirmation:
Because of God's confidence in me, I grow stronger with each responsibility I take.
This was not your average fortune cookie nonrevelation. It happened at a time when I was two years into what I came to regard as my true initiation into manhood, having been suddenly inundated with a heavy load of family caretaking responsibilities, a series of related life and death decisions, and a crash course in dealing with death and disability. All this as the "single parent" of three elderly, widowed, and (locally) childless women, including my own suddenly disabled mother.
        To my surprise, I kept rising to each new challenge (except the
minor ones, which, true to form, I put off interminably), usually managing to do the right thing, as best as I could figure what that was.
        The believer in me chose to treat the card as a kind of cosmic "you go guy!", with the hint that my new moral muscle would bring bigger, hopefully happier challenges in the years to come. I can think of one new thing I've been "put in charge of" that fits this bill: editing The Aquarian. I'd been offered the opportunity once before, when The Aquarian was about to rise from the ashes of its predecessor, The New Age Connection. But I hadn't been "initiated" then; my belly was much softer; and I turned the offer down flat.
        Only time will tell if the next time I pass the Sally Ann man, the card will read: "You have been given too many responsibilities, my dear friend. We have booked a pleasant room for you in the sanitorium."
Toronto author and editor Kyle Stone pins this uplifting perspective by Oscar Wilde to the bulletin board above his desk:
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.
 
What Sayings You?


Have there been any healing words in your life? How did they affect you? Let us know. We'd love to add your story to our collection:

Briony Haig writes:

I had this quote on my wall for a long time where I found it very helpful:

Re-examine what you have been taught;
Discard what wounds your soul.
- Walt Whitman
Patty Slentz writes:

Upon reading your most enjoyable article, "Healing Words," I was painfully reminded of a time in my life when some choice words by my very wise teacher made the difference between my giving up and fighting on in my battle with MS (multiple sclerosis).
        I had more or less crawled to his nearby house for help after I awakened in horror one morning with paralyzed legs. After listening to how scared and devastated I was at the thought of never walking again, he glibly responded, "at least you have legs."
        Those words burned in my ears as a most insensitive and arrogant thing to say. "How dare he! Easy for him to say after he'd just run up the stairs!"
        It took me months of seething before I saw the gift he had given me. He had forced me to accept my reality, to choose not to be unhappy, to see first-hand, as he so often said, that "acceptance is a state of mind"! Thanks to my teacher Bernard Willemsen's seemingly arrogant attitude, I was able to rise from the morbid shadows I had been caught up in, into an intense healing light.
        Four years later, that light continues to physically and spiritually nourish me -- me and my perfectly working legs.
 

Writing Your Own Healing Quotebook

By Jennifer Cawthorne

You can find magic and medicine wherever words are written or spoken, capturing the essence of every facet of the human experience. These hidden treasures are just waiting to guide us through the hazards of life. Some of the best ones can be found in the highest expressions of the world's faiths and cultures - in scriptures and spiritual teachings, and in books of proverbs and great quotations. Surprisingly, I've also found the Internet to be one of the richest sources of healing words. So many websites have one-liners, poems, or anecdotes that can uplift, inspire, or comfort the weary websurfer. Just type some keywords into a search engine ("sayings", "quotations", the name of a favourite famous person) and you will usually strike gold. Some favourite finds of mine, for example, are the ubiquitous quotations of Albert Einstein.
There are two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.

- Albert Einstein 
For me, two sources in particular are filled with meaningful, inspiring messages.
        The first is A Grateful Heart: Daily Blessings For the Evening Meal From Buddha to the Beatles, edited by M. J. Ryan (Conari Press, 1994). This wonderful book is a collection of thoughts and thanks from all cultures, races, religions, and lifestyles. Giving thanks - having "an attitude of gratitude" - is a key to mental health. It's also a proven depression-fighter.
The second are the self-help books of Peter McWilliams, available in bookstores [including Aquarian affiliates Amazon.com and Chapters.ca] and published free on his website. These volumes are a fount of beautiful advice, humourously and humanely presented, and paired with brilliantly appropriate quotes from sages the world over.
        From LIFE 101:
To change one's life:
- start immediately.
- do it flamboyantly.
- no exceptions.
- William James
McWilliams' books include How to Heal Depression (written with Harold Bloomfield, M. D.), How to Survive the Loss of a Love (with Harold Bloomfield and Melba Colgrove), LIFE 101: Everything We Wish We Had Learned About Life in School - But Didn't, DO IT: Let's Get Off Our Butts, and You Can't Afford the Luxury of a Negative Thought (A Book for People with any Life-Threatening Illness - Including Life).
        Whenever you discover a verbal gem that gives you that jolt of recognition ("yes, that's exactly how it is for me!" "that is so beautiful!"), record it, so it will still be there the next time you need it. Use any system that works for you: computer, notebook, even a shoebox collection on scraps of paper.
        Visit your "quotebook" often. Pull out a quote for each day. Post your favourite inspirations on the walls. Look for pearls to help yourself or others. It's not that hard to find a quote to fit any mood or need.		 Healing the Body with Words

By Syd Baumel

As good for the soul as other people's words can be, venting our own choice words can be good for our bodies too. In a study published in JAMA (the Journal of the American Medical Association) in April 1999, researchers from State University of New York asked 112 people with asthma or rheumatoid arthritis to spend twenty minutes a day, three days in a row, writing.  But while two thirds of them were given the formidable assignment of writing about the most stressful event in their lives, the other third -- the control group -- were told to simply write about their plans for the day. Both groups received the same standard medical care for
their conditions.
        Four months later, the subjects in the first group, having relived their most painful experiences on paper, were in much better health than those who had merely scribbled about trivial matters. Nearly half of the confessors had enjoyed clinically significant improvements in their asthma or arthritis, while less than 5 percent had deteriorated. In comparison, only a quarter of the babblers had enjoyed comparable improvements, and over 20 percent were worse.
        Previous controlled studies had also shown that "confessional writing" (or confiding in a tape recorder) could boost well-being, improve immune function, and prevent future illness in healthy people.
        "Were the authors to have provided similar outcome evidence about a new drug, it likely would be in widespread use within a short time," Stanford University physician David Spiegel vented thoughtfully in a companion editorial.
        The art and science of confessional writing is brilliantly and engagingly described by psychologist James Pennebaker in Opening Up: The Healing Power of Expressing Emotions (Amazon.com | Chapters.ca). According to the seminal research of Pennebaker and his associates, it's not enough to vent your feelings mindlessly, without reflection, or to cooly recount your traumatic experiences in emotional neutral. Healing only comes when you write or talk thoughtfully and feelingfully about the ghosts that haunt you.

For a more detailed article on Pennebaker's work, click here.
 


Jennifer Cawthorne is a Scarborough, Ontario writer, poet, and artist. Her work has appeared in such publications as The Martian Wave, Star Anthology 1998, and Crossroads magazines.

Saying reprinted with permission from A Grateful Heart: Daily Blessings For the Evening Meal From Buddha to the Beatles, edited by M.J. Ryan (Berkeley, CA: Conari Press, 1994). Distributed by Raincoast Books. Available from Amazon.com and Chapters.ca.


 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 


 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 


 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

 

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