Holding Space



If you’re an empath like me, you’ve probably gone into crowds and left feeling drained. You may find you get sick more often, feel tired or exhausted regularly, and need a lot of time alone.

When I first began body work with Darlene Drewniak, one of the first things I had to learn was to stop absorbing energy from those around me, especially those closest to me. I wanted people to feel better. This mirrored my belief that I wanted to feel better. I wanted to be okay. I wanted to feel safe. I wanted to feel loved. Somehow my ego convinced me that if I could make it better for others, then I would be able to make it okay for me too. This idea was false and it was hurting me.

A few years ago, when our family was going through the process of divorce, I felt guilty for how my children’s world was turned upside down, even though I knew it was necessary and for the best. I wanted to make things better for them, ease their pain. The truth was, I couldn’t make their world better and it’s not my job to do so.

Image courtesy of digital art at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

I came to learn that my job is to hold my own space and teach them that they are capable of holding their own space, too. Whenever my kids sought counsel, I stopped the guilty thoughts my ego would try to throw at me. I held them, allowed them to cry and loved them. We would talk about what they could do about what they were experiencing. By holding my own space, I allowed them to reclaim their power over their lives, rather than projecting the expectation onto myself that somehow I had the power to change everything. I could only change my inner world, not theirs.

Our physical bodies are tied to our emotional bodies — we take care of one, we take care of the other. Both are important to our health, especially as empaths. Body work with a skilled practitioner helps release what we may have trouble with on our own. A daily mindful practice assists in understanding and examining emotional triggers in order not to allow our egoic mind run amok. Training a physical discipline that mirrors the inner work allows us a physical point of reference to learn relaxation under stress. Proper nutrition and detoxing have helped as well. The more I let go of what doesn’t serve me, the more grounded I am and the less the outside world affects me the way it used to. I choose wisely when and what events I wish to attend, depending on where I am at energetically. I listen if I need rest and I don’t push myself physically or emotionally in the old way. And I no longer feel the need to fix everyone or everything around me.

Reclaiming your power has more to do with the kind of space you hold, which carries forth into the outside world. The less you focus on what other people are energetically throwing around, the more you can focus on not projecting anything outward from yourself onto people or situations. With continued self practice and body work, you won’t absorb other people’s energies or be as affected by them as you once were. The more you change on the inside, the more the outside world changes.

© Kellie Kamryn, 2017    www.kelliekamryn.com

IMG_0499Kellie Kamryn is an award-winning erotic romance writer and voice actor, as well as former columnist for Evolved World. Her articles receive a wide reception on her personal website and elsewhere for her commitment to keeping it real, and helping people get in touch with their inner truth by sharing her personal experiences. Kellie loves to hear from readers, so if you have an experience to share, please comment!


2 Responses

  1. Shelli

    May 2, 2018 8:45 am

    Hi Kellie, I’m Shelli. I write The Soul Source for the Aquarian. Thank you for writing this story. Mine is similar, especially when it comes to the most recent events of my son and myself. I needed to read your reminder this morning. Have a great day!

    • Kellie Kamryn

      May 22, 2018 11:01 pm

      Hi Shelli – it’s wonderful to meet you! I love that your another columnist here 🙂 I’m glad this article resonated with you.


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