By KELLIE KAMRYN
“To really get it, you must observe yourself to see what I mean. You have an angry thought bubble up and you become angry. It is the same with all your emotions. They’re your knee-jerk responses to thoughts you can’t control. Your thoughts are like wild monkeys stung by a scorpion.”
Way of the Peaceful Warrior: A Book That Changes Lives, By Dan Millman
Over the holiday break, I took my children out for dinner. We had a lively discussion on emotional projection and how to catch ourselves when we are doing it. One of my daughters said, “I think I’m finally starting to understand. Nothing is about someone else or what they do to you. It’s all about yourself, how you react to what someone else is doing.”
This is a tough realization to come to. From birth, we are pretty much trained to react to our surroundings, events and people’s actions. We are born into the illusion of separation. Depending on our circumstances and what support we have to break this illusion, people go through their lives believing things happen to them and that they have no control. In order to gain control, people develop all sorts of coping mechanisms to deal with life and the people in their lives.
True mastery over ourselves comes when we are able to pause and observe our mind creating a thought that is urging our emotions to fuel our actions. What do we believe in that moment from the emotion that arises? This is the moment to look in the mirror.
Not long ago, I had anger surface while doing body work to release anxiety. It was small comfort knowing I had the discipline to employ the tool of observation at a time when I wanted to blow up! I reached out to a friend for support. Each time I attempted to articulate how I felt, I perceived an emotional trigger. When my message wasn’t answered right away, I felt ignored. When my friend asked a question I had trouble answering, I felt misunderstood. My friend suggested I take some time to be with myself and allow calm to flow in, I was triggered to feel as if this person wanted to send me away and no longer wished to support me. While none of my emotional triggers were true, in the span of a few hours, a lifetime of patterns rose to the surface. I thought about how I’d allowed other people to control me by not sharing my emotions and about my anxiety that no one understood me. I thought about how I was alone and didn’t deserve to be heard.
Of course none of the emotions that arose were true. I worked hard not to project my feelings of anger or anxiousness at my friend. I also had to work at not feeling guilty that my observation practice didn’t feel as easy as I thought it would. When my limited ego mind finally ran out of fuel, I saw what was really happening. By a show of unwavering support, this person stood firm with loving kindness and held up a mirror to my illusions. This was not something I had experienced much of before. My ego was afraid to look in the mirror, but my ego is not me. Once I had calmed down, I understood why my ego was afraid of such support. It meant that I would always have someone helping me to see beyond the illusion of the ego mind.
Relationships of any kind have this mirror effect. When we choose to engage in conscious communication with another, the other person will always hold up a mirror to what we are holding onto. Even if I sense an ego pattern in another, what matters is that I check to see what my ego is doing and hold myself responsible for my thoughts and actions.
Be willing to stare into the mirror another person will hold up, own your emotional triggers, discover the false belief behind the trigger and release it. Conscious communication depends on it. And, maybe, like Sleeping Beauty, we’ll wake from our illusions one day and be free. Mirror, mirror on the wall, who’s the most conscious of us all? (Well, let’s not allow our egos to make it a competition…)
© Kellie Kamryn, 2017 www.kelliekamryn.com
Kellie Kamryn is an award-winning erotic romance writer and voice actor, as well as former columnist for Evolved World. Her articles receive a wide reception on her personal website and elsewhere for her commitment to keeping it real, and helping people get in touch with their inner truth by sharing her personal experiences. Kellie loves to hear from readers, so if you have an experience to share, please comment!