By MARYMICHELLE LOTANO
I make a gazillion decisions every day; some are mundane and require less than no thought, others are mildly preoccupying and some are gigantic. Regardless of the size of the decision, each one is basically only for right now.
This is a completely new concept for me. As a dedicated planner, every decision I made used to be inextricably tied to the last and inevitably casted a mould for the future. No decision was simple or stood alone or was for less than forever. The pressure was tremendous. If I bought a home, it had to be a lifetime home. If I changed jobs, I could never retrace my steps. If I went to law school, I would forfeit my opportunity to raise a child full-time or change my career path. If I committed to a relationship, it was irreversible. Moving forward meant each thought that led to each decision was akin to a forever diamond—no take backs.
My stance in this regard was incredibly successful for a very long time. It enabled me to persevere well beyond where the ordinary person might rethink a decision and step onto a new path. It also boxed me into people, jobs, places and events I might have left sooner if I allowed for a modicum of flexibility. Which means I often stayed someplace well beyond its usefulness or ability to provide me with growth opportunities. By refusing to consider that a decision or move could be made simply for the moment, my moments often lasted well beyond their expiration date.
Recently, I had a significant change of perspective regarding the longevity of every decision I make, both the large and small. Now, every choice is subject to change. Period. At any time, inside of any moment, anything can allow for a change of course. More importantly, none of these lurking changes need to be predictable or foreseeable. They simply need to present themselves as options. Today, every option is considered. Every change is examined as one that is entirely possible to chase after. And every moment is open to being altered by something amazing and unanticipated.
I now give myself permission to reduce the number of factors I have to consider before I can move forward, change my mind or step off of a hamster wheel that is producing nothing. Decisions are now more fluid and less permanent. That is not to say I give up easily or walk away quickly. What it does mean is that I am no longer required to glue myself to my choices before I actually get to see them begin to roll out in all their glory, or all of their undesirable consequences. I now have the freedom to tackle my life with greater agility.
Regardless of my lighter and quicker steps through the land mines of my choices, there are still aspects of decision making I cannot change. Now, I am more accepting of these limitations and more willing to trust that it isn’t necessary for me to see beyond the momentary decision that needs to be made. I still cannot look into the future with certainty and cannot see beyond my immediate choices, and I don’t want to. More importantly, I realize I don’t need to. I have learned it is more beneficial to be challenged with evaluating my immediate circumstances, using my logic, tapping into my intuition and having faith that I will end up exactly where I need to be, minute by minute.
I have learned it is always a good time to choose for the moment and trust it will safely deliver me to my next right move. At any second I might be afforded the opportunity to change my mind, make a new choice or step onto a different path which will also be right, for now.
Author of Circles of the Soul, Marymichelle Lotano has explored the areas of personal growth, meditation and art. Ms. Lotano is currently a full time writer and mother, residing in Carlsbad, California. Visit: circlesofthesoul.net.