By ADINA LAKSER
At this time of year, the gardens are full of life. The farmers’ markets boast table after table of bright carrots, crisp cucumbers, peppers and corn. After a long winter of white, we are in the land of plenty. Foods of all colours and flavours are fresh and available, the scent of refreshing herbs waft in the air and light dapples through the leaves.
Who knew talking about vegetables could be so sexy? But, actually, the link between food and sex is ancient and strong. On the most obvious levels, they are both human needs, natural desires and representative of what we share with the animal world. As Dr. Michael Fenster wrote in his online Psychology Today article titled “Food and Sex: Why we are hardwired for food pleasure”:
“It seems that food and sex have been bestest roomies since there has been food and sex; which is to say pretty much forever. Of all the senses, only taste and smell are predominately hard-wired directly into our brain.”
Life can be hard. We may not be living up to our expectations of ourselves. We may want things we cannot attain. Traumatic loss, or even the daily doldrums or repetitive tedium, can leave us feeling heavy and unenthusiastic. Yes, life can be hard, but food and sex can help us reconnect to our bodies, enjoy sensations and get full from pleasure.
Which is probably why there are many rules in our culture about both food and sex. Two of the seven deadly sins—lust and gluttony—directly refer to the dangers of too much food and too much sex. We are expected to be civilized and controlled about each. We shouldn’t get carried away; sex and food should be enjoyed in moderation. There is clean eating and clean sex. Many of us feel judged by moral expectations around each. Food and sex are meant to be used for survival, not for indulgence.
However, during the late summer bounty, when nature herself goes to excess, we get a good reminder to enjoy, even indulge. In such a spirit, here are some tips on how to enjoy food and sex in ways that take full advantage of the hard wired pleasure they can bring to our lives.
That first summer tomato is something. The minute I take a slice up to my nose, inhale the delicious tomato scent and bite into its sweet and tangy flesh, I can’t believe I have been eating those mealy, limp facsimiles all winter long. I let the pulp linger on my tongue while the juices run down my neck. I lick my fingers and reach for another slice.
We often have to suck back a meal quickly, either running out the door or even while we are driving, but the lazy days of summer can help us to slow down, savour, enjoy and allow all sensations to come alive.
And the same for sex. Sometimes rushed sex is better than no sex at all, but if we get the chance for slow and sensual, where we get to entice all our senses, especially if it gets to be preceded or followed by a delicious meal, now that’s what life is all about!
Try something new
When life gets busy, I feel like I must make the same damn four dinners all the time. I can swap out rice for potatoes, but it still all tastes the same. Especially when produce either has to travel the globe or come from the freezer to get on my table, dinnertime can be downright boring.
Summer is a great time to expand the palate. You can head out to one of the many farmers’ markets and try something new or, maybe now that the weather is warmer and the nights longer, you can venture a little further afield and try out a new restaurant or food joint.
And, of course, the same is true in sex. Once a couple understands what works and what doesn’t, they often go to the tried and true, especially if time and energy are limited (and when are they not?). Trying something new sexually doesn’t necessarily mean fetishes and kink, or something complicated and gymnastic. It just might mean playing with the routine a bit.
Double trouble. You can enjoy sex after food or food after sex, but why not have it all at once? Chocolate and oysters may be the better known foods with aphrodisiac qualities, but celery, watermelon and asparagus—all available locally during the summer—fall into the same category.
You can include sex as part of the play (I scream, you scream, we all scream for ice cream), or you can enjoy some snacks and sustenance while wrapped up in each other’s limbs. No matter how they get combined, when eating and sex come together, they can knock our sensual pleasure right out of the park.
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I’d love to hear from you. Contact me at firstname.lastname@example.org with comments, questions, or if you’d like to learn about how working with me could increase your sensual pleasure.